Just as some may have been imagining having a nightmare that would disappear as soon as they wake up, crude reality is here, knocking at the doors of our lives in this twenty-first century.
Pakistan, leading Muslim terrorism producing country and ally of Mr. Hussein, the American Hussein, that is, spread the news that the Pakistani government ruled under sharia has ruled that there is a list of 'unwanted' obscene words forbidden from now on as part of your text messaging if you are in Pakistan...
The Pakistan telecom watchdog has banned 1,5000 rude words from being texted across the nation's network. No one knows how it is expected to enforce the ban. Photograph: Dan Chung/The Guardian
Guardians of linguistic purity have long warned against the pernicious impact that text messaging may have on the young, but Pakistan officials have taken such concerns to a new extreme by demanding that mobile phone operators block all text messages using offensive words.
With a creativity and dedication to the task unusual for local officialdom, the country's telecoms regulator has issued a list of more than 1000 words and phrases which will be banned.
After serious deliberation and consultation, officials from the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (PTA) have come up with more than 50 phrases using the word "fuck" and 17 involving "butt".
The list includes several apparently innocuous words and phrases, including "flatulence", "deposit" and "fondle". Others would likely only make sense to frustrated teenagers.
Among the more printable terms are "strap-on", "beat your meat", "crotch rot", "love pistol", "pocket pool" and "quickie".
The officials' flair for the task was apparent, with prohibition embracing more figurative language, such as "flogging the dolphin", and 51 terms with the suffix "ass" – although only one variation of the word 'arse'. There were 17 variants on "tit" and 33 on "cock", with officials managing to produce eight obscenities involving the word "foot".
Mobile phone firms were ordered to stop messages including the offending words this week, although tests by the Guardian suggested the blocking technology was not 100% effective.
While admitting that Pakistan's constitution guaranteed free speech, the regulator told mobile phone companies that such freedom was "not unrestricted" under court rulings. Furthermore, said the telecom watchdog, they had obligations under their licences to prevent "obnoxious communication".
In the letter to mobile phone firms, watchdog director Muhammad Talib Doger said "the system should be implemented within seven days ... and a report submitted to PTA on monthly basis on the number of blocked SMSs".
The list was attached to the letter, with 1,109 words and phrases in English to be banned and 586 in the national language, Urdu, a tongue that also offers many rich possibilities for abuse. The watchdog has yet to tackle obscenity in Pakistan's four main regional languages, including the raucous Punjabi.
Despite being a less-developed country, mobile phones are used widely across society, even in remote villages.
Mohammad Younis, a spokesman for the PTA, said the ban was "the result of numerous meetings and consultations with stakeholders" after consumers complained of receiving offensive text messages. He said the list was not finished and the authority would continue to add to it.
"Nobody would like this happening to their young boy or girl," said Younis.
Mobile operators expect the PTA to fine them for any banned words that get through, which means that they will have to cut the connection of customers who persistently try to send such messages.